Category: #anoerexia #bolus protocol #starving in eating disorders hospital # I am getting out

Walden First Stay part 4

After getting the bolus done, I was more determined than ever to go fill out my three day paper work, and get the hell out of Walden.  I went straight to my room. I thought about hanging out with the group, but I felt a little uncomfortable for some reason.  Later I would find out, that being the smallest in an eating disorder hospital was not going to get you very far.

One of the few kind staff, came down to find me in my room, working on the paperwork.  She suggested I bring it down to group, where I could fill out, and get to know some of the other patients.  I said, “Ok,” and I headed down to the big community room. I took a chair and this nice girl beside me, told me what I was doing was really brave. “Well I just went through to bolus protocols so I don’t know how brave I really am. All I know is I getting out of here, in the next three days.”  She said, “You seem very sick, do you think that is a wise idea?  I mean no offense, but you are so slight, I think a bit of time in this wretched place might help you just a little bit.” “I hear what you are saying, but I must leave. I wasn’t prepared for this in the least.  Perhaps I will go home, and regroup and come back and do a real stay?”

I got right on my paperwork, and didn’t hear my name when it was called.   “Corey, you are wanted by the medical staff.”  “Ok, I am coming I need to grab my stuff.” Off to Jane’s office I went again.  I thought for a second , no it couldn’t be another bolus?  “Corey, come in and have a seat. So Bill tells us you are filing your three day paperwork today.  The first of the three days, doesn’t start till tomorrow.” “Then if that is the case, I will turn in my paperwork late this afternoon.  It will still be the business day, but I am not giving you my paperwork early so you can get a jump on it and actually have an extra day.”  We sat there in silence, I am not sure anyone knew what to say. Finally after a moment, I asked if I could be excused. “Sure Corey, so you will have that paperwork to me no later than five. Do you need to follow up with Bill?”  “Yes I do,” I muttered, I was going to bring up the medication medicine.  It was against all the federal and state laws. I didn’t want to play hardball, but that was what they were turning it into.  “Ok Corey, I will come get you in just a little bit,” said Bill all filled with nervousness.  I felt bad for the guy, he was not even involved, but that is his position I guess.

I took my feeding tube pole and headed to the nurse’s station.  “Corey what is it?” “I was told I get two hours off the pump, and nobody else is on one right now. May I come off of mine?” “Sure you missed the unhooking because you were in the meeting. Sit down, we will flush it, and cap it off for two hours.”  “Thank you very much.”  The nurse proceeded to flush my tube, and she capped it, and fell on my face. I was so happy to be without that bloody pole.  I went back into the community room, and soon it got really quiet. I felt I should leave, that maybe I was the problem.  Then a girl came up to me and asked me as I was busily working on my three-day paper work if I wanted to join the group, because they wanted to get to know me! It was so sweet, and since I knew I had till 5 pm to turn in my forms, I said, “Sure it would nice to get to know all of you, without being screamed at for something.”  So I sat beside this really cute girl, who I could tell was looking at me from the corner of my eye. Her name was Juliet and she had to be like 25 or 27 years old.  A little on the young side, but I am highly intelligent but a bit immature they say.  It is because being born differently I never went through puberty, so I never honestly grew up.  Everyone of my friends and family accepts it totally about me.  So I got comfortable, and this guy, Amere, spoke to me first. “Corey, my name is Amere, and I have been here lots of times and nobody has pulled the stuff you have, it is great! Best time I have had here.”  “Glad to keep you amused, I guess, I just want to get the hell out of here.  I am signing a three-day form today, and in the meanwhile between us and the walls, I am on a full blown hunger strike.”  “Wow,” said Amere, “You are outstanding.  Starving yourself in an eating disorders hospital? You know that means 2 bolus every meal.” “I know I had two this morning already. Somehow, I will get through those.” Another, pretty girl, who looked liked we might be friends, said, “Hi I am Becky, and you rock this mother fucking haus. I have no idea where you get the guts to do it.” “Oh it is just part of me, a little on the edge, like to take chances and always question ignorant authority” “Okay folks, time to break up the friendly chat, with Corey.”  “Why did you say me? We were all talking?” “Because my sweet child, it is you they are wrongfully in awe of at this time.” I turned my back on the counselor feeling pretty bummed out. I hadn’t wanted to come and make scenes like this, but I had no other options.  I grabbed my paperwork and headed to my room, I needed to get this paperwork done and turned in.

Today, I would call my mom, and my doctor back home. I wasn’t even hungry anymore, good old anorexia at work.  I had still a full day ahead of me, and I couldn’t get those dreadful bolus protocols out of my head.  Four more today……..

-Corey

BORN THIS WAY-2016